Ever considered the question - are you a glass half full or glass half empty type of person? It's a common parable pointing to your tendency toward being an optimist or pessimist in life: people with a positive outlook on life are said to look at the glass as being half full, and those with a negative outlook see the glass as being half empty.
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The point is that it’s your perspective, not the facts of life, that determines your reaction to life events.
Here comes my unpopular opinion:
Who says we can't have a full glass?
I'm not saying there won't be struggles, challenges, ups and downs, or hard times.
But what if these moments, and even in our day-to-day, aren't fraught with dread, worst-case thinking or anxiety? More importantly, what if we could train our outlook to tend toward anticipation of good, rather than dreading the worst?
What if we can retrain the negativity bias?
Dr. James Gross of the Stanford Psychophysiology Laboratory says:
"Some people, as soon as they have a negative emotion, feel they have to run away or change it. But some negative emotions are telling us something very important. Instead of quickly trying to change it, we can dive in and better understand what that emotion tells us about the situation and our goals in the moment."
Instead of giving to the vortex of the negativity spiral, and c'mon we all know how powerful our imaginations can be - - -
"He didn't respond to my text. He must be mad at me. Maybe I won't be invited to the party." Or, "She gave me a funny look. She hated my playing. I won't get in to the school, and my whole future is ruined."
Or in future-casting, "I didn't practice enough, this performance is gonna suck. I'm going to embarrass myself." Or, "I'm coming to the meeting with a different opinion, and people are going to think I'm dumb."
One of the best strategies you can take when you notice your thoughts taking a downturn is to REFRAME the thought. Here's a 5-step method on how to train these thoughts toward a full-glass mentality:
- Fully observe how these thoughts are manifesting in you: specifially how do you feel, where do you feel it? Include what you're saying to yourself, your reaction and your response.
- How might you see it differently? Ask: is it true? Notice what is in your control and what's not. See Stoic Marcus Aurelius' "Meditations". What's a kind, forgiving and generous interpretation you can offer?
- Gather your wits. See the Buddhist "Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening" by Thich Nhat Hanh. What is the negative emotion telling me? What's the insight or info being offered? Recognize the impermanence of thought.
- Cultivate kindness. Imagine you are helping a friend having your difficult experience. How would you talk to this friend? Replace self-criticsm with self-compassion.
- Redirect mental energy. Can you transform the thought into constructive action? It could just be taking walk or a 5-minute meditation to create mental space.
I leave you with Mark Twain's quote: "I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened."
Now it's time for you try it! Go through the 5 steps with something you're wrestling with right now. Go further with this handy Cognitive_Reappraisal.docx sheet from Harvard's Stress and Development Lab. Cheers to a full glass!
In your corner,
Ixi
p.s. 🎁 We're doing another giveaway! On December 15 we'll do a drawing for 3 more winners. You just have to complete the survey to be entered to win. This audience survey will be instrumental in helping us make the best programs to help you create the life in music you love.
p.p.s. BUZZ BUZZ! 🎄 Our annual holiday celebration (read: sale) is happening next week. This is the one time of year we offer discounts on almost all the courses, challenges, and memberships. As such, we'll be sending a few more emails than usual. If you prefer not to receive information about this sale, you can opt out right here!
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